


Like Falling Asleep

by Gobetti



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-16
Updated: 2011-10-16
Packaged: 2017-10-24 16:09:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/265413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gobetti/pseuds/Gobetti
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nepeta once heard that dying is like falling asleep, but she didn’t want to find out if that was true. At least not yet. Not right now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Like Falling Asleep

Slowly, the weak sounds of footsteps faded away in the distance.

Slowly, she tried to open her eyes.

Slowly, she tried to move a muscle, with little success.

All very slowly, but only in her perception, because in that particular moment, the whole world wasn’t in its right speed, as if someone had pressed the frame-by-frame button on a remote.

Lying on her side, she tried, with all her might, to turn her neck towards the body a few feet away from her, praying that, somehow, it wouldn’t be still lying there, and that it’d get up on its feet and go check on her.

But it didn’t move. Not one inch.

Nepeta tried to raise the arm that was resting over her torso, only to feel a sharp pain across her shoulder run all the way to her lower back and up to her horns, all at the same time. It was broken, and the shoulder, dislocated; it was now a lifeless limb that would not answer to her commands, even after she tried a second time, only to feel the pain get even worse, as if that was even physically possible.

A thick flow of green blood was pouring from the side of her head, right above her ear, and dripping all the way to her forehead and cheeks. The smell of it was making the cat-like troll nauseous, and the fact that the more she tried to move, the harder she seemed to bleed wasn’t helping.

But she  _had_  to move.

If only to see if he was still alive.

She attempted to move her other arm. Luckily, it hadn’t been hit during the bloody beating she had endured, so it was movable, despite the throbbing pain she felt on her skull the moment she struggled to crawl towards Equius.

It was like her whole body was on flames; Nepeta could feel every single injure Gamzee inflicted upon her, all the places where he hit her with his deuce clubs, where the troll had swung the colorful weapons and cracked them with every hit, over and over again, until the female troll was just a bloody pulp on the cold floor. She could feel herself shaking with the effort, her body screaming that it was impossible to move another inch, and she was so close, but everything hurt so much, she thought she’d die right here and right there.

But then she remembered how someone had once told her that dying was kind of like falling asleep, and Nepeta knew that what she was feeling was nothing like that. The blood still flowed from the wound on her head and down her chin, dripping on the floor. She felt a cough on the back of her throat, and a nauseating feeling overcame her; she was in so much pain that she was going to be sick. But now Nepeta was finally right next to Equius, and she refused to puke all over her friend. Slowly, she took a few deep, short ragged breaths, while waiting for her body to stop shivering. But she didn’t close her eyes.

Because she was so exhausted she knew that she’d give in to the solace of darkness if she did.

And Nepeta knew she needed to check. She needed to be one hundred percent sure. She simply had to.

She refused to die before doing so.

Nepeta raised her gloveless, shaky hand towards Equius’ neck. But she didn’t even need to press it down to check for a pulse; his skin was cold and rigid, and his face was still blue from the lack of air he had suffered from his death.

But what struck her the hardest was when she looked at his arms and hands.

 _Spotless_.

With the exception of the arrow on his leg and the deep slashes the bow string left on his neck, Equius was unharmed. Which meant he hadn’t defended himself from the oncoming attack of the “high blood”.

Nepeta frowned, tears blurring her vision. Thick, green watery droplets ran down her cheek, washing down dry and fresh blood along the way. The feline troll began to sob uncontrollably, the pain in her head now feeling like a thousand small knives stabbing her skull, her whole body struggling to stay in one piece and shouting in horror with the effort to raise her shoulders and head off the ground without using the support of her good elbow, but she didn’t care.

She threw her arm up and forward and attempted to hit Equius on the chest, staining his black shirt with green.

“You STUPID IDIOT!!!” Nepeta yelled, her words echoing through the metal walls of the room, and suddenly her voice got caught in the back of her throat, tears rolling down nonstop. “You…! Why did you… _why_ …”

The small troll dropped her head, weeping onto his ice cold shoulder. She coughed, noticing with horror the thick fluid that poured down from her throat and slid over her tongue, feeling its coppery taste; slowly, Nepeta realized with horror that her lungs were starting to fill up with her own blood. But she didn’t care. She couldn’t bring herself to care. She wasn’t done yet.

“I shouldn’t have done that…" Nepeta murmured, breathing and talking now a million times harder than it should ever be. She coughed again and blinked, feeling a flood of tears roll down her face even faster than before. "I should have come with you… why did you tell me to hide, Equius… oh god, why...” She clenched her fist weakly on his shirt, creating holes where her claws met the thin fabric. “I should… I should’ve protected you… like the good moirail I was…  _why_ …”

Nepeta shifted her head to look at him. He didn’t have his glasses on anymore; Gamzee took them before leaving. She lifted her arm from his chest and closed his eyelids. And with the last bit of her strength, she leaned over, puckered his lips and slowly leaned down to kiss him.

His lips here as cold and hard as his body, but she didn't care. Nepeta forced herself to press down a little more, ever so gently, her whole body shaking violently with the effort of holding herself up on such an uncomfortable position, and still she ignored it, she ignored everything, concentrating only in putting into that small gesture all the tenderness she could allow herself at the moment.

But Nepeta knew that there was no hope for him – or even for her. Their dream selves were long gone, and the kiss was a futile attempt of hoping for a miracle.

Even so, she still did it, because she knew Equius would do the same for her even if there was not even a glimpse of hope on grasp.

“There.” She finally said, pulling back to look at him. With his eyes closed and the twisted smile off his face, Nepeta knew he was beautiful, despite having so many odd interests and a weird fashion sense. After all, in the end, they were all still just awkward six sweeps old trolls trying to understand how the whole world worked. Nepeta giggled; she rested her one good arm over his broad chest and hugged him, finally laying her head down again on his strong shoulder; the small troll sighed, staring at the grey ceiling.

Nepeta took that moment to think about all the wonderful friends she had on that tiny meteor, and she recalled, with a small smile on her lips, about her roleplaying days, the adventures she had with Pounce de Leon back at Alternia, and how Karkat always made her blush with the cute face he used to pull when he was happy but didn’t wanted to show.

And then she remembered about her fun explorations with Equius on the long gone Land of Little Cubes and Tea, how they used to chat for hours almost every day, the time when she saw him kiss Robot Aradia and how totally awkward that was, how adorable his face was whenever she pounced him and how she always managed to surprise him time and time again.

The shy smile slowly turned into a frown. Nepeta hugged Equius a bit more tightly and sniffed, almost wanting to punch him again.

“You dummy… you could’ve saved yourself, you dummy… you could’ve bended that stupid clown in two like a toothpick if you had raised a hand against him… you… you’re…”

She closed her eyes. A small cry escaped her throat and she nuzzled against his skin.

“You’re the best moirail anyone could ever ask for…”

And then Nepeta realized.

She wasn’t feeling all the pain anymore. She couldn’t even feel the blood and the tears still streaming down her face. And it was… nice. Comforting.

With a heavy sigh, Nepeta allowed her stiff muscles to relax.

 _Huh._

 _So it really is like falling asleep._


End file.
